Malbela.com

I just got this from Ana, who designed the Keystone magazine last semester. It’s sad how much is true:

• Charlotte is composed mostly of one street. It just bears MANY different names. For example, Wendover is the same as Runnymede, is the same as Woodlawn, is the same as Billy Graham, is the same as Sugar Creek, is the same as Eastway, is the same as Wendover.
• All directions will most certainly include the following phrase: “…when you come to the corner of Queens and Queens.”
• Sharon Road has no beginning and no end and is not to be confused with Sharon Road West, Sharon Road East, Sharon View, Sharon Lakes, Sharon Amity, Sharon Hills, Sharon Terrace, Sharon Harbor, Sharon Lane, etc.
• Charlotteans only know their way to work and their way home. If you ask anyone for directions, make sure that they are from out of town.
• The 8:00 a.m. rush hour is from 6:30 a.m. to 10:30 a.m. The 5:00 p.m. rush hour is from 3:30 p.m. to 7:30 p.m. Friday’s rush hour starts Thursday morning and lasts through 2:00 a.m. Saturday.
• Reversible lanes are not understood by anybody, especially those of us who live here. Stay out of them unless you are looking for a head-on collision.
• The falling of one raindrop causes all drivers to immediately forget all traffic rules. So will daylight savings time, a girl applying eyeshadow in the next car, the man shaving and talking on his cell
  phone at the same time, or a flat tire three lanes over.
• If a single snowflake falls, the city is paralyzed for three days and it’s on all the channels as a news flash every 15 minutes for a month. All the grocery stores will be sold out of milk, bread, bottled water, toilet paper, and beer if there is a remote chance of snow, and if it does snow, people will be on every street corner selling “I survived the blizzard” t-shirts.
• It is always Smog Alert Day.
• Street construction is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment, especially when a water line is tapped and Charlotte’s version of Old Faithful erupts. Construction crews aren’t doing their job properly unless they close down all lanes except one during rush hour.
• I-485 is our equivalent of the Autobahn. You will rarely see a semi-truck on I-485, because even the truck drivers are intimidated by the oversized SUV-wielding housewives racing home after a grueling day at the salon or the tennis match to meet their children at the school bus, coming home from the college prep preschool.
• The pollen count is off the national scale for unhealthy which starts at 120. Charlotte is usually in the 2,000 to 4,000 range, and all roads, vehicles, houses, etc. are yellow from March 28th to July 15th. If you have any allergies, you will die.