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Reader Mail – The question of Hobbits.

Hobbitses. We like hobbitses.

For those of you who read Malbela, you may be unaware that Malbela currently hosts what is, somehow, becoming a popular internet meme.

Hobbits Are Very Very Gay has been plastered all over some of the strangest areas of internet and I’m quite proud to say that I’ve gotten a bit of email concerning it. One came from Carlene Cordova, the director of Ringers: Lord Of The Fans, a documentary about fans of Lord Of The Rings.

All of the email I’ve gotten has been positive, telling me they find HAVVG to be funny and interesting. I’ve only found a couple of people online who didn’t like it, and (like the title of this version of Malbela suggests) the French think I’m a homophobe. Obviously this can be explained away by the fact that the French do not know what is funny and like Jerry Lewis… hold on a sec…

Sorry, dropped a freedom fry… where was I? Ah, yes.

I did get an email from someone who asked an intriguing, perhaps even beguiling question:

who the fuck are the hobbits

Well, how can I resist a chance to answer a question like that. At least I hope it was a question…

My good friend,

How enchanted I am by your lovely email. Perhaps you’ve been away for a while. I hear that Mars is lovely this time of year. I do hope you received a tour of the Grand Canals. It would be a shame to travel all that way and miss it.

But back to the question at hand. You asked “Who the fuck are the hobbits?” in your email. Well, in all actuality, you neglected to include both capital letters and punctuation, but being the astute reader that I am, I was able to ascertain your meaning. I understand that full size keyboards are hard to come by on Mars.

I also realize you may have been going for an intellectual ‘e.e. cummings’ vibe. After all, on the internet, typing in all capital letters is seen as a mark of a new user, or a n00b as the kids are calling it these days. So, I’m sure that using no capitals is a way of showing you’re hip, cool, and with it. I like it a lot.

So, dear passalis… oh, even your online handle is in lower case. Bravo! (Or brava, as the case may be. It’s so hard to tell over the internet. A true equalizer.) What are the hobbits? The hobbits are a mythical race of creatures, quite human like. They’re shorter than average humans, less than four foot tall, or 1.25 meters in that other system that the glitterati are using now. Anyway, the hobbits were created by J.R.R. Tolkien, a man with far too many intials. The hobbits, specifically Bilbo and Frodo, are the stars of his books, The Hobbit and the ‘Lord Of The Rings’ trilogy. You may have seen those movies that were based on them just a few years back.

I realize they were independant films and hardly played anywhere, but they were followed closely by a few fans on the internet, much like episodes of ‘BJ and The Bear’ or the whereabouts of Charlize Theron’s left nipple at any given time.

The site that I created uses images of the people who played the hobbits in those films to poke fun at the films, the media, the fans, and everyone else. Or it could be that hobbits are very, very gay.

It’s one of those.

My dearest passalis, please feel free to write me again at anytime with questions.

Eternally yours,

Aristan