I wish to register a complaint.

Dear AXE Deodorant,

I have used your products for quite a while. I greatly dislike traditional stick deodorants and was pleased when I first discovered your body sprays.

My personal favorite scent has long been Kilo, though my introduction to it involved the can going off in my hand at the grocery store. My eyes were suddenly bloodshot since I had basically maced myself on Aisle 6 of the Food Lion. I immediately made matters worse by saying “God, I got Kilo up my nose.” The police officer who happened to walk down the aisle at that time was not amused.

The hair triggers on those old cans were a bad thing. I greatly appreciated it when you redesigned the can with a safety. The need to slide the button up in order to engage it kept me from wasting cans of AXE in the bottom of my gym bag.

Recently you redesigned your cans again. Now, instead of pressing a button or sliding the button up and then pressing it, I must slide down a large plastic ring and then press the button. Sadly the button can be pressed while the ring is in the up position, returning me to the original problem I had with your product: wasted product due to the button being pressed accidently.

That is not to say the new package is bad. It does have some entertainment value as it takes an unfamiliar person a few moments to discover how to access the product. The fact is, I tend to use your product first thing in the morning, when I’m not generally in the mood to solve puzzles. Will the next package redesign involve a Rubik’s Cube or perhaps some sort of incendiary device?

I have purchased three bottles of AXE Kilo bodyspray since the new package design. It is not that I use a lot of your deodorant, I’m not an extremely odorus or sweaty person. The problem is that each of the cans I have purchased has been defective. The nozzle of each of the three bottles is partially blocked by the housing it is in. This results in the spray being blocked and going everywhere.

Since I have tried your new package design, I find that I get far more of the product on my hand than I do my armpit. I notice your new package states that AXE is an all-over bodyspray. Is this a sly reference to the fact that I have absolutely no control of when and where your product will end up?

I recently learned that your product was developed in South Africa. I am sure, much like Apartheid, that it seemed like a good idea at the time.

Best of luck in the future,
Robert Mungo