Malbela.com

Dear AXE Deodorant,

I have used your products for quite a while. I greatly dislike traditional stick deodorants and was pleased when I first discovered your body sprays.

My personal favorite scent has long been Kilo, though my introduction to it involved the can going off in my hand at the grocery store. My eyes were suddenly bloodshot since I had basically maced myself on Aisle 6 of the Food Lion. I immediately made matters worse by saying “God, I got Kilo up my nose.” The police officer who happened to walk down the aisle at that time was not amused.

The hair triggers on those old cans were a bad thing. I greatly appreciated it when you redesigned the can with a safety. The need to slide the button up in order to engage it kept me from wasting cans of AXE in the bottom of my gym bag.

Recently you redesigned your cans again. Now, instead of pressing a button or sliding the button up and then pressing it, I must slide down a large plastic ring and then press the button. Sadly the button can be pressed while the ring is in the up position, returning me to the original problem I had with your product: wasted product due to the button being pressed accidently.

That is not to say the new package is bad. It does have some entertainment value as it takes an unfamiliar person a few moments to discover how to access the product. The fact is, I tend to use your product first thing in the morning, when I’m not generally in the mood to solve puzzles. Will the next package redesign involve a Rubik’s Cube or perhaps some sort of incendiary device?

I have purchased three bottles of AXE Kilo bodyspray since the new package design. It is not that I use a lot of your deodorant, I’m not an extremely odorus or sweaty person. The problem is that each of the cans I have purchased has been defective. The nozzle of each of the three bottles is partially blocked by the housing it is in. This results in the spray being blocked and going everywhere.

Since I have tried your new package design, I find that I get far more of the product on my hand than I do my armpit. I notice your new package states that AXE is an all-over bodyspray. Is this a sly reference to the fact that I have absolutely no control of when and where your product will end up?

I recently learned that your product was developed in South Africa. I am sure, much like Apartheid, that it seemed like a good idea at the time.

Best of luck in the future,
Robert Mungo

I’m officially on Team Elijah now. I have no choice. I know he and Elijah have problems, but I was trying to stay out of it. Even though Elijah gave me a shout out, I thought me & Jordan Jared were cool.

Apparently not: The Dude is stalking me.

I’m about to leave work and Jordan Catalano Jared Leto is standing at the register, wearing a hoodie (with the hood up) with a tshirt over the hoodie and his silver crocs. And he was wearing white socks under his crocs.

Kim has seen him in the store and came to tell me because she felt that I was the only one who would appreciate the fact that Jordan Catalano Jared Leto was in the store. Since we had to tell everyone else in the store who he was, I don’t think Jordan Catalano Jared Leto needed to worry about keeping the hood up.

Kim whispers to me “When I came out of the backroom, I saw him and I wanted to say “Hey! You were on My So Called Life!”

I look at her, and in all seriousness say “You know he has a band right? He’s done other things and all you can think of is ‘Hey, you knew Claire Danes when she had a career!’”

About that time, Jordan Catalano’s Jared Leto’s friends walked behind me.

So… yeah.

Go, Team Elijah!

Gloria Steinem & Jane Fonda on The Colbert Report:

I just woke up from a dream a few minutes ago.

I’d only been asleep an hour or so, and I started having a dream about Kevin Spacey eating doughnuts. They were Krispy Kreme chocolate creme filled and he was sucking the filling out of the hole in the side they inject it into.

This was rather disturbing, disturbing enough to wake me up.

I’d fallen asleep in such away that one of my legs and both of my arms had fallen to sleep. The cat was asleep on my stomach. I couldn’t move or get up, and really a dream like that requires movement to erase from your brain.

I can walk again, but I may be scarred for life.

So, Apple has decided to join with (Product)Red and create a killer candy apple (fittingly) red iPod nano. The iPod Nano (Product)^Red retails at the same price as the regular Nano, $199US.

Many people online are dismayed that Apple is only donating $10, or 5%, of their total sales of the new iPod. Apple happens to be the most forthcoming, stating a specific amount. Other companies involved either state percentages of sales, profits, or even wholesale prices to figure their donations.

The one of the moregenerous companies, according to sources, appears to be Gap which is has a huge line of 40 (Product)^Red items. Gap is also donating 50% of profits of these items. Motorola will donate $17US(£10) to (Product)^Red.

To figure out how much companies are actually donating, let’s set the playing field level. We know that the iPod is $200 so we’ll use $200 as our guideline. Some companies donate based on profits or wholesale, we’ll set the estimated profit margin to 50%. That means that if a product costs a dollar to make, it’d be sold for $1.50. A $200 product with a markup of 50% would have a wholesale cost of $133.34 and profits of $66.66.

Please note that a 50% markup is an estimate based on years retail experience. Very, very few products are ‘keystoned’ (set to a 100% profit) anymore. IE, $2 product cost $1 to make.

So how much are other companies donating in comparison?

Obviously, Apple’s donation is fairly middle of the road. American Express’ donation is nearly pathetic, donating just $2 out of the baseline $200.

On an interesting note, Apple UK only claims a ‘Portion’ of the price. I believe we can assume that Apple is probably donating the same amount in the US and in the UK. If you convert $10US to British Pounds, Apple is donating £5.37, which pales compared to Motorola’s donation.

Many people have also stated that Apple has broken (Product)^Red tradition by calling it the iPod Nano Product Red. It appears that this is the standard for some in the US version, as Converse and Gap are also marketing their products by the item name followed by (Product)^Red. Motorola’s efforts are all over the place using both conventions. American Express calls their card American Express Red, which creates a separate convention all their own.

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