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There’s less than 200,000 votes between Bush & Kerry in Ohio, even though Fox News is calling it for Bush.

Do we get an Ohio tag on Fark now?

I can’t sleep. I just can’t. There are still people voting in Ohio. Make the bad men stop.

You know what…

I’ll be sad if Bush isn’t reelected. If he’s not in office, who will I have to make fun of? I mean, there’s just so many times you can say “John Kerry looks like one of those apple trees from The Wizard Of Oz” before it gets old.

I’m just saying…

I got six pieces of mail today.

The L.L. Bean catalogue, something from the bank, a pack of sale papers, and three pieces of political junk mail from the National Association of Realtors PAC.

That’s annoying.

But it’s more annoying when you realize that for the NARPAC, this is a light day.

I’ve gotten between 2 and 6 pieces of Junk Mail from them every day (excluding Sunday of course) telling me how Richard Burr makes them cream their jeans. I really think that tomorrow I’ll receive a flyer from NARPAC that says:

Richard Burr is dreamy. Richard Burr loves Puppies, long walks on the beach, and cuddling. Bill Clinton hates puppies and Bill Clinton loves Erskine Bowles.

I’m so tired of political ads. Now I’m seeing ads for uncontested seats. Uncontested Seats. Why are we spending millions on ads for a uncontested seats? If you have to spend millions getting the one vote you need to win, how am I supposed to trust you to run the state properly?

Was one of our guys working over at Fox news last night? I mean, really… that’s the only way I can explain that they’d lead with this photo. With Bush’s teeth grinding, pluralization of various non plural things, and his accidentally calling Kerry “Senator Kennedy”… That had to be the best debate ever. And I’m just watching clips & reading transcripts.

Of course, Ann Coulter says he did fine. But, as we all know, Ann Coulter is batshit insane. Even most republicans I know are pretty certain that she spends her days in a padded room in an I-Love-Me Jacket.

Surely one must realize that the fact that you can vote is a great gift in itself. You have the power to control who runs your country and how they do so.

But sometimes you just want some Free Stuff.

Everyone who sends in photos of their Voter Registration Card and a picture of them at the polls on November 2nd will receive a small prize. The grand prize winner will receive a huge prize pack, including 11 Tshirts!

So… ummm…

Vote.

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That’s what I call a printing error, guys. Exactly how does one vote for Kerry or Bush on these Michigan Absentee ballots? Do you fill in the top arrow for Kerry or for Bush?

This is, of course, a printing error… but I wonder how many people went ahead and used them!

View the whole ballot.

The new IT building doesn’t face the rest of campus. That’s just one thing you notice when you walk up to it. It’s facing away from the main part of campus, toward the still unfinished bookstore. I sat in the computer lab this morning, editing an ad for the paper and watched the rain slide down the walls and into the vacant windows of the building.

The IT building is nice. There is lots of light colored wood, chrome, and polished steel. Every computer in the building is black with large monitors. The floors are all either tiled or nice neutral carpets. There are lots of windows.

The whole place has the feeling of a major call center that hasn’t installed the phones yet. Sort of a ‘Sweden Meets Bangalore’ type of feeling.

But there’s a lot of things wrong with this new building, as there are with many new buildings. The bricks on the outside weren’t up to snuff and large sections have had to be repeatedly ripped out and redone. There stairwell seems to hide, most people can’t even find it, stuck in one back corner. There is still scaffolding around the outside of building, blocking the view. The roof leaks in every classroom on the 5th floor. Perfect for the multimedia lab.

Then there are the bathrooms.

The bathrooms are something special. There are five stalls in the men’s rooms. FIVE. Women won’t understand this, but men are going “Five? Why so many!?”. Men’s rooms usually get a couple of stalls, one of them handicap. A couple of urinals. That’s it. 5 stalls and several urinals is strange to men. We’re used to getting the… (sorry, I’ve got to)… shitty end of that stick.

What’s even more amazing about these restrooms is that everything is done with electronic sensors. There’s no need to dirty your hands touching faucets or handles. The toilets and urinals flush when the sensor is unblocked, the faucets turn on when you put your hands underneath. Seems like it’d be a nice clean restroom… right?

This morning I walked into this nice new bathroom & pushed open the first stall door. Wrapped in plastic like a christmas present. This is the sanitation staff’s sign for “Will react like Old Faithful if flushed”.

I pull the door closed again.

Next stall.

Someone has urinated all over the seat, the wall, the toilet paper holder, the floor. And they didn’t flush.

Wait… they didn’t flush? How…

I don’t question it. Next Stall.

… Oh.
… My.
… God.

What happened? This is disgusting! Even thinking about it hours later makes me a little ill. But how did they get away without flushing?

There are some sort of Gastronomic Gymnastics going on in there. The Swedish Judge must be involved somehow. That’s the only way I can figure out they were able to use the facilities and not flush. I normally have a problem keeping the thing from flushing while I’m using it. Breathe a little and suddenly you’re on a bidet.

Well, however it works out… I hope we won the gold medal.

Oh, and consider more fiber.

So… Zell Miller is a Democrat for Bush.

I could try and come up with a joke about this. But it’s so god damn funny on its own that I’m not going to bother.

Especially when you read this speech on Miller’s senate website.

In his 16 years in the Senate, John Kerry has fought against government waste and worked hard to bring some accountability to Washington.

Early in his Senate career in 1986, John signed on to the Gramm-Rudman-Hollings Deficit Reduction Bill, and he fought for balanced budgets before it was considered politically correct for Democrats to do so.

John has worked to strengthen our military, reform public education, boost the economy and protect the environment. Business Week magazine named him one of the top pro-technology legislators and made him a member of its “Digital Dozen.

Hmmm… suddenly I have a craving for breakfast. Something belgian perhaps?

But then again, what do we expect… He’s a democrat.

(well, I guess he gets to be a comic book character.)

It’s very hard to write 500+ words about spam. I’m still only at 432.