Malbela.com

Sorry… bad pun.

You seem older than your years, like a wise sage. Your head always either buried in a book, or discussing what you have learned with others, you are Thoth. The creator of writing, and language, you are full of wisdom. When you talk, people listen, knowing they will learn something new. Which Ancient Egyptian Diety are you? brought to you by Quizilla

(btw, I had to edit that like hell to get it to not show up horribly -_-)

For some reason, I let it get to me.

Of course, by ‘it’ I mean ‘everything’.

I put the dog out this morning and the sky was starless, a perfect matte blue with the trees in black silhouette. As the dog disappeared into the blackness of the backyard, I stood on the deck and welcomed the chilly predawn air into my aching bones. I slowly lowered myself down onto the deck, laid on my back, staring skyward.

When you’re quiet and the world is still, you can hear the creek moving. The creek doesn’t stop when its late at night, it doesn’t take a break. I laid out on the deck, on my back, staring skyward, listening to water rush down through the creek and crash over the little waterfall. It’s no more than a 2 foot drop, but it sounds so loud in the predawn hours. The roar of Niagra in my backyard. As I lay there, Niagra offering up her music up to me, I started to let my mind wander, to think.

I don’t know that I’ve thought a lot lately.

I think I’m tired. I think I’m too old for this. I think I need a hug. I think I need to just let go.

I take on too much and I think I need to stop, but it’s in my nature. I took that personality test a while back and I found it kind of funny.

I’m the healer, the crusader. Does anyone know how hard it is to be a healer? Just look at the examples… Galahad found the holy grail and then begged to die. He couldn’t live without his cause. Joan of Arc completed her quest, outlived her usefulness, and was awarded by being burn at the stake.

Maybe it’s time I make myself my cause, maybe it’s time I heal me for a while. Healer, heal thy self and all.

But it makes me feel guilty.

Why does loving me, caring about myself make me feel guilty?

My knees ache, my legs hurt. I can’t see half the time. I have a constant headache. All I want to do is sleep. But I get up every morning, put on my happy face and greet the dawn.

My smile’s a fake. It has been for ages.

I need to rest.

Annie posted this and I decided to try it.

Basically you have to answer 10 questions, but the catch is that you can only use song lyrics and the lyrics can only come from a single artist.

Of course, I picked my favorite.

1. are you male or female?: “Put on your makeup boy, you’re your favorite stranger.”

2. describe yourself: “I can be cruel, I don’t know why, why can’t my balloon stay up in a perfectly windy sky”

3. how do some people feel about you?: “He fixed you up real good, till I don’t know you anymore.”

4. how do you feel about yourself?: “I believe in peace, bitch, I believe in peace.”

5. describe your girlfriend/boyfriend/interest: i’m not in love. so don’t forget it, it’s just a silly phase, i’m going through”

6. where would you rather be?: “Get out of my garden”

7. describe what you want to be: “So if i die today i’ll be the HAPPY phantom and i’ll go wearin’my NAUGHTIES like a jewel”

8. describe how you live: “lately, i’m into circuitry. what it means to be made of you but not enough for you”

9. describe how you love: “these tears i’ve cried, i’ve cried 1000 oceans, and if it seems i’m floating in the darkness”

10. share a few words of wisdom: “We both know it was a girl back in bethlehem and on that fateful day, when she was crucified, she wore shiseido red and we drank tea by her side.”

I got nothing.

During this evening’s oscars (which I watched about 10 minutes of), The following occured on IRC

<Lauren> you look like Tobey McGuire

<Lasciate> ew

<Aristan> O.O

<Aristan> HUHWA?

<Lasciate> Aris is much better lookiing than icky Tobey

<Lauren> no no

<Lauren> he was just on the oscars

<Lauren> and he looked like Aris

<Lauren> the spikey hair-unshaven-bright blue eyes

<Aristan> heh ^^ unshaven & unkept! w00t! I’m in style

Someone please tell me this doesn’t mean I have a constant vacant look and like my undies vacuum packed for freshness, as Maguire is rumored to have done.

I know this is of absolutly no importance to anyone… but I can’t find my camera. That friggin’ sucks.

I think the last time it was used was when it was snowing.