Malbela.com

Oh dammit. Damn damn DAMN.

Heidi Klum is evil incarnate. I’m just saying.

By the way, Brit-Brit… Justin’s new album is relatively good. How’s k-fed’s album coming along?

We thought so…

I opened up GQ this month, flipping through it, getting a contact high from all the cologne samples, and what do I see? Another pictorial of Kevin Federline in which someone has convinced him to shave and wear something other than a wife-beater. This pictorial tried to do something interesting, featuring Federline underwater smoking a cigarette.

You know, the photographer could have been a hero if he’d just applied pressure to K-Fed’s head and held him under until he stopped moving. At least GQ had the sense not to put him on the cover this issue.

Guys, Let’s be serious here. Stop trying to give Kevin Federline a bath.

I know, you want to be the one who makes a silk purse out of that sow’s ear, but at least six other magazines have done that in the last year alone. There’s a whole advertising campaign that is built around the premise that if Kevin Federline were ever to own shirts with sleeves, he would definitely own sleeves from Blue Marlin.

Let’s be honest with ourselves. It doesn’t matter if you give him a bath, or comb his hair, or give him a shave. We all know that the moment he leaves the studio, he’s going to get corn rows and wear flip-flops and socks at the same time. Why do you bother?

Seriously, Guys. Stop wasting the effort on Kevin Federline. Maybe you should spend some time on Jordan Bratman, X-tina’s hubby.

He might not sing, but he makes records that sell…

In the duh heard round the world, Lance Bass is now officially gay. This comes as a shock to no one, since he’s spent the last year hanging out in Gay bars with his boyfriend. (Currently Bass’ site is down, I’m wondering if they’re gonna ‘gay’ it up.) Look for Bass’ new TV show (where he plays a gay guy) that also stars N’Sync’s Joey Fatone (the Fat One).

Now we know why he never actually finished his Cosmonaut training… doesn’t he know that there are no gays in space?

Memes tend to be rare here at Malbela… but here’s one stolen from the wise and wonderful j-go.

1. How does the world see you?
“Love Child” – Diana Ross & The Supremes

“Love Child, Love Child/Never Quite As Good/Afraid, Ashamed, Misunderstood/But I’ll always love you”

A song about being treated like a second class citizen. Hmm… we’re off to a great start, Mister iPod.

2. Will I have a happy life?
“Hallelujah” – Rufus Wainwright

“it’s a cold and its a broken Hallelujah”

This is a song that’s beautiful and sad all at once. Great, why am I doing this again?

3. What do my friends think of me?
“Secret Agent X-9″ – Modest Mouse

“You think this guy was on a permanent vacation, But no he’s not, he’s a secret agent”

Are you saying they think they don’t really know me?

4. Do people secretly lust after me?
“Erotic (Parlo Dub)” – Madonna

“I’ll give you love, I’ll hit you like a truck”

Well, this is a good sign. But do I really need to be taught a few things?

5. How can I make myself happy?
“Cigarettes & Chocolate” – Rufus Wainwright

“If I should buy Jelly Beans, Have to eat them all in just one sitting.”

A song about overindulgence… Am I supposed to do it or realize that I do it?

6. What should I do with my life?
“Wonderful” – Brian Wilson

“She’ll return in love with the mystery, Never known as a non-believer”

Hmmm… I don’t know what say about this one.

7. Will I ever have children?
“Dark Of The Matinee” – Franz Ferdinand

“I charm you and tell you of the boys I hate, all the girls I hate”

8. What is some good advice for me?
“Hollywood” – Madonna

“Shine your light now, This time it’s got to be good.”

9. How will I be remembered?
“Enemy Fire” – Ryan Adams

“Learn how to change, and maybe I could stay”

10. What

I mean, seriously… everytime I see Star Jones, she looks more and more like a drag queen. There’s a magazine cover at work that shows her holding a jacket over her with no shirt… it looks like she has a completely flat chest. No wonder she went to have surgery on them.

At least we can remember the good old days…

and yes… this is what we call a quiet relaunch.