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What was wrong with the VMAs this year? They headed to Miami this year, and apparently left everyone who had an ounce of talent or access to the script back in New York.

There’s huge stretches with no music and no crowd cheering. No one seems to know where they’re supposed to stand. When someone’s mic is up, there is no other sound. Everything is done in either rainbow stripes or in silver & blue. Frankly, it’s almost as if their theme is ‘Apple, circa 1999′. I’m not speaking just for myself here, I was IMed by a friend who asked if I thought that the designers for the show had gotten high & started talking about how much they loved Steve Jobs.

I gave up when Jet won best Rock video and MTV didn’t even bother to play their song while they came to the stage.

And who’s idea was it for Marc Anthony to introduce Kanye West while standing directly in front of P. Diddy? That’s just mean, dude.

By the way, I love that P. Diddy’s site features a HUGE broken image.

Bjork, she of the swan dress, was set to open the olympics tonight. I didn’t get a chance to see NBC’s coverage, but from what I understand they talked over her and then finally broke to commercial before the song was done.

You know, the theme for this year’s Olympics.

who would want to hear that?

Here are the lyrics, as far as I can tell from watching the video over and over, for those who care:

Oceania

Bjork, from the upcoming album “Medulla“

One breath away
from Mother Oceania
Your nimble feet make prints
in my sands

you have done
good for yourselves since
you left my wet embrace
and crawled ashore

Every Boy
Is a snake
Is a lily
Every pearl
is a lynx
is a girl

Sweet like harmony
made into flesh
Oh, you dance by my side
children sublime

you show me continents
I see the islands
you count the centuries
I blink my eyes

Hawks and Sparrows
race in my waters
stingrays are floating
across the sky

little ones
my sons and my daughters
Oh, your sweat is salty
I am why
I am why
I am why
Your sweat is salty
I am why
I am why
I am why.

You can watch the video at the special Medulla site.

Normally this would just a side bar item, but MC Chris has re-released his first album in MP3 format for free online!

Yes, everyone’s favorite Nerdcore rapper is giving away his first album for free! I’m sorry, but this is an appropriate time to say ‘w00t!’.
MC Chris is Hesh on Sealab 2021 and appeared as MC Pee Pants on Aqua Teen Hunger Force.

And yes… ‘Life’s A Bitch and I’m her Pimp’ is the album that featured ‘Fett’s Vett’. God I love this album.

Excuse me while I go geek out.

Walmart always an aisle stack of Bibles, including those Teen New Testaments, made to look like Tiger Beat or TeenPeople or whatever it is teenage girls read now to find out the latest dish about Orlando Bloom.

So Target needed to get in on the religion act. Of course, Target had to do it with more style. Now you can pick up your Kabbalah Red String at the same place you get your detergent and undies.

If it hasn’t become obvious, Kabbalah may be the new Scientology. But at least Kabbalah is ‘based’ on some sort of actual mystic teachings that don’t involve space aliens. Side note: Kabbalah’s website is SO much cooler than Scientology’s. I’m just saying.

Target link via BoingBoing (permalink here)

Via Defamer

Halle Berry’s stunt double is a man, baby.

“But a lot of boys feasting their eyes on Halle’s sexy costume are gonna flip when they realize they got steamy about a bloke in a girl’s costume.”

Oh Britney… we can tell you’re from the South. The new beau isn’t a cousin is he?

Click Images to Enlarge. Pics via Stereogum

(By the way… those aren’t Mukluks, are they?)

Dear Lance,

Not only were you the ‘Girlie’ member of N’Sync (Hey, don’t feel bad, Joey’s the fat one and his name is actually FATONE! c’mon!), but now you’ve gone and gotten a nose more girlie than Jessica Simpson.

I’ve enclosed a couple of pictures, courtesy Awful Plastic Surgery, to show that we know. We know, man.

click to enlarge

P.S. – Guess it’s a good thing only Justin has a career now.
P.P.S. – Why doesn’t your website feature the new beak yet? Don’t leave evidence up dude!

Harry Potter Book 6 Title revealed ‘Behind the locked door’

Less than one quarter of American teens are smoking! But there’s one little problem.